matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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