Capitaan dildo arrescate!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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