Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize