He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize