There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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