my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
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I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
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She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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