I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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