god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize