Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize