i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize