Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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