At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize