Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize