okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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