My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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