we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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