Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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