i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize