come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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