Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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