So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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