I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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