either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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