actually, I'm a sock model
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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