do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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