is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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