Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
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Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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