I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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