dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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