I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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