I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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