finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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