In the future we'll all be gay
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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