I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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