"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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