...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
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I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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Im part way to drunk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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