I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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