Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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