HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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