I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize