What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
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He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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