I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize