just come out here and I will go home with you...
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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