I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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