It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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