Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize