Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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