no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize