His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
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sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize