dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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